A. U.

Christopher Botkin

First Draft - 1987

"As the pavements glitter with fools,
as the markets teem in dotards,
as the stadia roil like so many buckets of grunion,
so is life blessed with assholes."

May God have Mercy on your Soul.

You have descended into the abyss that is "A.U.," the author's abortive first effort and arguably the stupidest book never written. Feverishly produced over a few short weeks in 1987, the alarming Forward and nine lonely chapters have cried for closure ever since, in vain; the author having in that brief period written himself into a staggeringly stuttering vacuity his handlers insist is permanent.

The quondam Horace Aeiouaey, an avowed hack reaping admittedly undeserved rewards, comes up with an idea too big for his head. A chance acquaintance leads Horace to a polyglot cast of characters which sets in motion the nascent juggernaut "Assholes Unanimous," a cynical support group of the lowest common denominator designed to mercilessly prune the proletariate en route to world domination.

Along the way, Horace's Mitty-on-acid musings lead him into bizarre entanglements with assholes of every class. To laugh at him or to laugh with him are your only options -- while the ride lasts.

Next: Some preliminary softening-up.