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DATE		"TODAY'S QUOTE" ARCHIVE Receive daily quotes from Quote of the Day. Current Scroll Board Text: CLICK HERE.

12/31/02		The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not. -- Eric Hoffer.
12/30/02		I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. -- Albert Einstein.
12/29/02		Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
12/28/02		They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse. -- Emily Dickinson.
12/27/02		It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. -- Mark Twain.
12/26/02		Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. -- B. F. Skinner.
12/25/02		Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. -- Will Durant.
12/24/02		Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant. -- Cary Grant.
12/23/02		Only fools are positive. -- Moe Howard.
12/22/02		Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. -- Jon Lithgow.
12/21/02		It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. -- H. L. Mencken.
12/20/02		Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III.
12/19/02		Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read. -- Frank Zappa.
12/18/02		I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS. -- Robert Bakker, paleontologist.
12/17/02		Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. -- Will Rogers.
12/16/02		Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. -- James Thorpe.
12/15/02		If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -- Anatole France.
12/14/02		Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. -- George Bernard Shaw.
12/13/02		Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. -- Oscar Wilde.
12/12/02		I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. -- Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in Peanuts.
12/11/02		I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh.
12/10/02		You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. -- Henry Ford.
12/09/02		I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
12/08/02		I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. -- J. R. R. Tolkien.
12/07/02		Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright.
12/06/02		It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. -- Jerry Seinfeld.
12/05/02		When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
12/04/02		A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- Saki (H. H. Munro).
12/03/02		Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal.
12/02/02		I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. -- Fran Lebowitz.
12/01/02		If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. -- Professor Irwin Corey.

11/30/02		I have read your book and much like it. -- Moses Hadas.
11/29/02		If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. -- Bob Hope.
11/28/02		I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. -- Jack Benny.
11/27/02		Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature. -- Samuel Butler.
11/26/02		A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out. -- Samuel Johnson.
11/25/02		The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. -- Martin Mull.
11/24/02		How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? -- Charles De Gaulle.
11/23/02		Literature is news that stays news. -- Ezra Pound.
11/22/02		The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. -- Bertrand Russell.
11/21/02		It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. -- Douglas Adams.
11/20/02		I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy. -- W. C. Fields.
11/19/02		Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. -- George Will.
11/18/02		Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge. -- Paul Gauguin.
11/17/02		I'm still an atheist, thank God. -- Luis Bunuel.
11/16/02		You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. -- Al Capone.
11/15/02		You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. -- Sacha Guitry.
11/14/02		I have an existential map. It has YOU ARE HERE written all over it. -- Steven Wright.
11/13/02		I'm as pure as the driven slush. -- Tallulah Bankhead.
11/12/02		If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. -- Ted Turner.
11/11/02		I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. -- Carl Sandburg.
11/10/02		Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. -- H. L. Mencken.
11/09/02		The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful. -- Frederick Locker-Lampson.
11/08/02		She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. -- Dorothy Parker, speaking of Katharine Hepburn.
11/07/02		Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. -- George Burns.
11/06/02		If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. -- Mickey Mantle.
11/05/02		The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. -- Sam Levenson.
11/04/02		Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. -- George Eliot.
11/03/02		It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
11/02/02		There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee. -- Lester J. Pourciau.
11/01/02		I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. -- Totie Fields.

10/31/02		What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. -- Hansell B. Duckett.
10/30/02		One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant.
10/29/02		Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. -- Orson Welles.
10/28/02		No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast. -- W. S. Gilbert.
10/27/02		The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -- Mark Twain.
10/26/02		Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. -- Henry David Thoreau.
10/25/02		There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. -- Thomas A. Edison.
10/24/02		A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. -- Ogden Nash.
10/23/02		I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. -- William H. Mauldin.
10/22/02		Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. -- Suzanne Necker.
10/21/02		It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen.
10/20/02		I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner.
10/19/02		What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. -- Dave Barry.
10/18/02		The world tolerates conceit from those who are successful, but not from anybody else. -- John Blake.
10/17/02		People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
10/16/02		I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. -- Jackie Mason.
10/15/02		I hate women because they always know where things are. -- James Thurber.
10/14/02		The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
10/13/02		Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. -- Truman Capote.
10/12/02		Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. -- Nick Diamos.
10/11/02		Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -- Oscar Wilde.
10/10/02		Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. -- Dorothy Parker.
10/09/02		Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. -- Kin Hubbard.
10/08/02		What luck for rulers that men do not think. -- Adolf Hitler.
10/07/02		A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. -- Wilson Mizner.
10/06/02		Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. -- Immanuel Kant.
10/05/02		Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. -- Charles Lamb.
10/04/02		A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. -- Joseph Stalin.
10/03/02		There must be more to life than having everything. -- Maurice Sendak.
10/02/02		The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. -- Will Rogers.
10/01/02		Cram it, ma'am. -- Nelson Muntz.

09/30/02		Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
09/29/02		The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. -- Joan Rivers.
09/28/02		I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that. -- Tom Lehrer.
09/27/02		If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? -- Steven Wright.
09/26/02		Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Charlie McCarthy, (Edgar Bergen).
09/25/02		It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. -- John Andrew Holmes.
09/24/02		Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. -- Plato.
09/23/02		Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. -- Anthony Burgess.
09/22/02		To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep. -- Joan Klempner.
09/21/02		The truth is rarely pure, and never simple. -- Oscar Wilde.
09/20/02		We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? -- Jean Cocteau.
09/19/02		A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs. -- German Proverb.
09/18/02		The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. -- Aesop.
09/17/02		Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
09/16/02		Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso.
09/15/02		Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillips.
09/14/02		The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. -- P. G. Wodehouse.
09/13/02		A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
09/12/02		Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire.
09/11/02		Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. -- Frank Dane.
09/10/02		My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. -- Steven Wright.
09/09/02		A poem is never finished, only abandoned. -- Paul Valery.
09/08/02		There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
09/07/02		There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -- Henry Kissinger.
09/06/02		I think the world is run by 'C' students. -- Al McGuire.
09/05/02		You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. -- Michael Pritchard.
09/04/02		If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day. -- John A. Wheeler.
09/03/02		Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. -- Erica Jong.
09/02/02		Exercise extends one's old age by half the time spent exercising one's youth away. -- Horace Aeiouey, Jr.
09/01/02		The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb. -- Benny Hill.

08/31/02		I have often depended on the blindness of strangers. -- Adrienne E. Gusoff.
08/30/02		The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. -- Jay Leno.
08/29/02		Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. -- Mae West.
08/28/02		Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. -- Joseph Heller.
08/27/02		We're all in this alone. -- Lily Tomlin.
08/26/02		Every crowd has a silver lining. -- Phineas Taylor Barnum.
08/25/02		I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. -- Tom Lehrer.
08/24/02		Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. -- Groucho Marx.
08/23/02		Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. -- John F. Kennedy.
08/22/02		One man's folly is another man's wife. -- Helen Rowland.
08/21/02		I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. -- Rita Rudner.
08/20/02		Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. -- Timothy Leary.
08/19/02		A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. -- John Updike.
08/18/02		Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. -- Jules Renard.
08/17/02		His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. -- Woody Allen.
08/16/02		No man ever listened himself out of a job. -- Calvin Coolidge.
08/15/02		When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
08/14/02		If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. -- Dean Martin.
08/13/02		It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. -- Samuel Butler.
08/12/02		Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -- Thomas A. Edison.
08/11/02		It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. -- H. L. Mencken.
08/10/02		Life is too important to take seriously. -- Corky Siegel.
08/09/02		The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. -- Ellen Parr.
08/08/02		In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.
08/07/02		Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. -- Henry Kissinger.
08/06/02		Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -- Fran Lebowitz.
08/05/02		Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. -- Laurence J. Peter.
08/04/02		Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney.
08/03/02		You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. -- Senator Patrick Leahy, May 1990.
08/02/02		Never confuse motion with action. -- Benjamin Franklin.
08/01/02		No one can earn a million dollars honestly. -- William Jennings Bryan.

07/31/02		Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. -- Lane Olinghouse.
07/30/02		The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogren and stupidity. -- Harlan Ellison.
07/29/02		I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. -- Mark Twain.
07/28/02		Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams.
07/27/02		Look for the ridiculous in everything, and you will find it. -- Jules Renard.
07/26/02		Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. -- Quentin Crisp.
07/25/02		There is no difference between a moron and a genius who sounds like a moron. - Horace Aeiouaey, Jr.
07/24/02		Instant gratification takes too long. -- Carrie Fisher.
07/23/02		God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through. -- Paul Valery.
07/22/02		When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. -- Gracie Allen.
07/21/02		Of those who say nothing, few are silent. -- Thomas Neill.
07/20/02		Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. -- Mark Twain.
07/19/02		1. Never tell everything at once. -- Ken Venturi, Ken Venturi's Two Great Rules of Life.
07/18/02		It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis. -- Margaret Bonnano.
07/17/02		The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
07/16/02		Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away. -- Robert Orben.
07/15/02		You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. -- Arlo Guthrie.
07/14/02		The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. -- Oscar Wilde.
07/13/02		Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. -- Tom Robbins.
07/12/02		Everything you can imagine is real. -- Pablo Picasso.
07/11/02		Imitation is the sincerest form of television. -- Fred Allen.
07/10/02		Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. -- Abraham Lincoln.
07/09/02		He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike. -- William Shakespeare.
07/08/02		It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/07/02		I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. -- Noel Coward.
07/06/02		Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -- Albert Einstein.
07/05/02		Honesty is the best image. -- Tom Wilson (Ziggy).
07/04/02		Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy.
07/03/02		Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. -- Mark Twain.
07/02/02		Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. -- Marilyn Monroe.
07/01/02		Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? -- Spike Milligan, from The Goon Show.

06/30/02		I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell. -- Harry S Truman.
06/29/02		The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O. -- Martin Mull.
06/28/02		No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up. -- Lily Tomlin.
06/27/02		Life is a zoo in a jungle. -- Peter De Vries.
06/26/02		The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin.
06/25/02		Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. -- Matt Groening.
06/24/02		Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard.
06/23/02		I am at two with nature. -- Woody Allen.
06/22/02		If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. -- Tallulah Bankhead.
06/21/02		An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. -- Simon Cameron.
06/20/02		I am not sincere, even when I say I am not. -- Jules Renard.
06/19/02		You've got to take the bitter with the sour. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
06/18/02		If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. -- Doug Larson.
06/17/02		Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. -- Mel Brooks.
06/16/02		I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. -- Harry S Truman.
06/15/02		I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize. -- George Bernard Shaw.
06/14/02		If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. -- Quentin Crisp.
06/13/02		The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. -- Victor Borge.
06/12/02		If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. -- Dorothy Parker.
06/11/02		If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. -- Voltaire.
06/10/02		I dote on his very absence. -- William Shakespeare.
06/09/02		Ich bin ein Berliner (I am a jelly doughnut). -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy, in West Berlin.
06/08/02		Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
06/07/02		Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo. -- Robert Byrne.
06/06/02		I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there. -- Herb Caen.
06/05/02		The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
06/04/02		Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
06/03/02		Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
06/02/02		The secret of eternal youth is arrested development. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth.
06/01/02		The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. -- H. L. Mencken.

05/31/02		Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. -- Robert Louis Stevenson.
05/30/02		We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything. -- Thomas A. Edison.
05/29/02		A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw.
05/28/02		It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. -- Jerome K. Jerome.
05/27/02		Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. -- Rudyard Kipling.
05/26/02		A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen.
05/25/02		If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. -- Dick Cavett.
05/24/02		Trying is the first step toward failure. -- Homer Simpson.
05/23/02		An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. -- John Buchan.
05/22/02		When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty.' -- Theodore Roosevelt.
05/21/02		If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
05/20/02		It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. -- James Thurber.
05/19/02		If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S Truman.
05/18/02		Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. -- Steven Wright.
05/17/02		I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away. -- Oscar Levant.
05/16/02		Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was. -- Margaret Mitchell.
05/15/02		I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. -- Jane Austen.
05/14/02		Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. -- Oscar Levant.
05/13/02		Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something. -- Thomas A. Edison.
05/12/02		I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. -- Katherine Cebrian.
05/11/02		The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. -- Douglas Adams.
05/10/02		A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire.
05/09/02		It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as children. -- Kingsley Amis.
05/08/02		Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. -- Fran Lebowitz.
05/07/02		In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. -- Laurence J. Peter.
05/06/02		The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. -- Joe Ancis.
05/05/02		If they give you ruled paper, write the other way. -- Juan Ramon Jiminez.
05/04/02		Feelings are worth their weight in gold. -- Horace Aeiouaey, Jr.
05/03/02		Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good. -- Samuel Johnson.
05/02/02		The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. -- Lucille Ball.
05/01/02		Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. -- Diogenes the Cynic.

04-30-02		Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long. -- Ogden Nash.
04/29/02		Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities. -- Frank Lloyd Wright.
04/28/02		I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. -- Garrison Keillor.
04/27/02		Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. -- Frank Leahy.
04/26/02		Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. -- W. C. Fields.
04/25/02		Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/24/02		Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. -- Albert Schweitzer.
04/23/02		For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. -- Alice Kahn.
04/22/02		No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it. -- Charles M. Schulz.
04/21/02		Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. -- Mark Twain.
04/20/02		Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. -- W. C. Fields.
04/19/02		I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown.
04/18/02		Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money. -- Arthur Miller.
04/17/02		I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. -- Mark Twain.
04/16/02		Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. -- Fletcher Knebel.
04/15/02		Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
04/14/02		Never fight an inanimate object. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
04/13/02		The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. -- George Bernard Shaw.
04/12/02		There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. -- Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977.
04/11/02		Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected. -- Robert Orben.
04/10/02		Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -- Jonathan Swift.
04/09/02		Those who do not learn from history are destined to become it. -- Horace Aeiouaey, Jr.
04/08/02		A lie told often enough becomes the truth. -- Vladimir I. Lenin.
04/07/02		The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. -- Thomas Jefferson.
04/06/02		I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. -- Ronald Reagan.
04/05/02		I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. -- Galileo Galilei.
04/04/02		There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. -- David Letterman.
04/03/02		O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. -- Saint Augustine.
04/02/02		Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/01/02		The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. -- Dudley Moore.

03/31/02		I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. -- Elvis Presley.
03/30/02		It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal.
03/29/02		History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
03/28/02		I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am. -- Samuel Johnson.
03/27/02		In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -- Mark Twain.
03/26/02		The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. -- Napoleon Bonaparte.
03/25/02		The days of the digital watch are numbered. -- Tom Stoppard.
03/24/02		Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. -- Lillian Hellman.
03/23/02		What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? -- Fred Allen.
03/22/02		The future is much like the present, only longer. -- Dan Quisenberry.
03/21/02		I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. -- Dorothy Parker.
03/20/02		Living in a vacuum sucks. -- Adrienne E. Gusoff.
03/19/02		There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun. -- Pablo Picasso.
03/18/02		Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. -- Robert Frost.
03/17/02		Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have. -- Ernest Haskins.
03/16/02		All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things. -- Bobby Knight.
03/15/02		Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
03/14/02		Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. -- George Bernard Shaw.
03/13/02		It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. -- Mark Twain.
03/12/02		The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. -- Paul Fix.
03/11/02		Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. -- H. L. Mencken.
03/10/02		Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel. -- Oscar Levant.

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