DATE     "TODAY'S QUOTE" ARCHIVE   Receive daily quotes from Quote of the Day.
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12/31/03   The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. -- Dorothy Parker.
12/30/03   Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency. -- Raymond Chandler.
12/29/03   Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- Franklin P. Jones.
12/28/03   It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. -- Walter Bagehot.
12/27/03   I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. -- Orson Welles.
12/26/03   I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. -- Groucho Marx.
12/25/03   The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. -- Samuel Johnson.
12/24/03   Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. -- Barry LePatner.
12/23/03   What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books. -- Thomas Carlyle.
12/22/03   I find nothing more depressing than optimism. -- Paul Fussell.
12/21/03   The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. -- Voltaire.
12/20/03   A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash.
12/19/03   Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. -- John Erskine.
12/18/03   When we got into office, the thing that surprised me the most was that things were as bad as we'd been saying they were. -- John F. Kennedy.
12/17/03   No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. -- Sir Frederick G. Banting.
12/16/03   Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, (Sherlock Holmes).
12/15/03   The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness. -- Andre Malraux.
12/14/03   The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. -- Harlan Ellison.
12/13/03   Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. -- Samuel Johnson.
12/12/03   A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams.
12/11/03   I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. -- Charles M. Schulz (as Charlie Brown).
12/10/03   Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. -- Will Rogers.
12/09/03   It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. -- William Blake.
12/08/03   Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. -- Leo Tolstoy.
12/07/03   The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. -- Larry Hardiman.
12/06/03   He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. -- Saki.
12/05/03   God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. -- Voltaire.
12/04/03   Why be a man when you can be a success? -- Bertolt Brecht.
12/03/03   For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. -- Virginia Woolf.
12/02/03   We are generally the better persuaded by the reasons we discover ourselves than by those given to us by others. -- Blaise Pascal.
12/01/03   Women should be obscene and not heard. -- Groucho Marx.
11/30/03   A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you. -- Bert Leston Taylor.
11/29/03   You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. -- John Ciardi.
11/28/03   People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. -- Logan Pearsall Smith.
11/27/03   I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright.
11/26/03   Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults. -- Thomas Szasz.
11/25/03   Nihilism is best done by professionals. -- Iggy Pop.
11/24/03   Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. -- George S. Patton.
11/23/03   We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. -- Dennis Miller.
11/22/03   Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
11/21/03   Architecture is the art of how to waste space. -- Philip Johnson.
11/20/03   How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? -- Charles De Gaulle.
11/19/03   Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. -- Blore's Razor.
11/18/03   It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward. -- Lewis Carroll.
11/17/03   Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice. -- George Jackson.
11/16/03   There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. -- Gore Vidal.
11/15/03   History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. -- Abba Eban.
11/14/03   In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning. -- A. E. Housman.
11/13/03   I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. -- Dave Barry.
11/12/03   Boxing is just show business with blood. -- Frank Bruno.
11/11/03   Nothing you can't spell will ever work. -- Will Rogers.
11/10/03   Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. -- Groucho Marx.
11/09/03   I improve on misquotation. -- Cary Grant.
11/08/03   When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody. -- W. S. Gilbert.
11/07/03   The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. -- Robert Heinlein.
11/06/03   I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. -- Bill Cosby.
11/05/03   When you come to a fork in the road, take it. -- Yogi Berra.
11/04/03   Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. -- Russel Lynes.
11/03/03   A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. -- William S. Burroughs.
11/02/03   You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. -- Scott Adams.
11/01/03   Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. -- Charlotte Whitton.
10/31/03   It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead. -- Dame Rose Macaulay.
10/30/03   A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain.
10/29/03   The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. -- H. L. Mencken.
10/28/03   Men have become the tools of their tools. -- Henry David Thoreau.
10/27/03   See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails? -- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo.
10/26/03   Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. -- David Letterman.
10/25/03   Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. -- Robert Benchley.
10/24/03   Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. -- William Feather.
10/23/03   Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -- Jules de Gaultier.
10/22/03   I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed. -- Frank Deford.
10/21/03   Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy. -- Spike Milligan.
10/20/03   I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. -- Steven Wright.
10/19/03   Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies. -- Thomas Jefferson.
10/18/03   Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. -- Alfred Lord Tennyson.
10/17/03   Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Edgar Bergen, (as Charlie McCarthy).
10/16/03   If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music, and of aviation. -- Tom Stoppard.
10/15/03   Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
10/14/03   He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan.
10/13/03   Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. -- James M. Barrie.
10/12/03   Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. -- Dave Barry.
10/11/03   I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run. -- Babe Ruth.
10/10/03   It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor. -- Neil Gaiman.
10/09/03   I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known. -- Walt Disney.
10/08/03   Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought. -- Sir William Osler.
10/07/03   I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. -- Richard Lewis.
10/06/03   We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. -- Aesop.
10/05/03   You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. -- Henry Ford.
10/04/03   Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. -- Alexandre Dumas.
10/03/03   There is never enough time, unless you're serving it. -- Malcolm Forbes.
10/02/03   There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action. -- Bertrand Russell.
10/01/03   The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it. -- Doris Day.
09/30/03   Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. -- John Barrymore.
09/29/03   Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. -- Truman Capote.
09/28/03   My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. -- Orson Welles.
09/27/03   The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor. -- William Feather.
09/26/03   Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. -- Napoleon Bonaparte.
09/25/03   If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. -- Doug Larson.
09/24/03   You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave. -- Sydney Smith.
09/23/03   The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young. -- Willa Cather.
09/22/03   Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. -- H. L. Mencken.
09/21/03   It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. -- Woody Allen.
09/20/03   Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. -- Sam Brown.
09/19/03   Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? -- Edgar Bergen, (Charlie McCarthy).
09/18/03   Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. -- Jimmy Demaret.
09/17/03   Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car. -- Evan Davis.
09/16/03   Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire.
09/15/03   The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one. -- George Bernard Shaw.
09/14/03   Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. -- Wilson Mizner.
09/13/03   I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is. -- Charles Lamb.
09/12/03   A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. -- Robert Frost.
09/11/03   We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. -- Wernher von Braun.
09/10/03   Only fools are positive. -- Moe Howard.
09/09/03   No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. -- Yogi Berra.
09/08/03   If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day. -- John A. Wheeler.
09/07/03   I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. -- Oscar Wilde.
09/06/03   I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West.
09/05/03   Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer, speaking of Albert Einstein.
09/04/03   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain.
09/03/03   It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem. -- Malcolm Forbes.
09/02/03   How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. -- Henry David Thoreau.
09/01/03   Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them. -- Dr. Martin Henry Fischer.
08/31/03   I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana, of the Netherlands.
08/30/03   The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. -- Russell Green.
08/29/03   An expert is a person who avoids small error as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. -- Benjamin Stolberg.
08/28/03   It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. -- Eugene McCarthy.
08/27/03   Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. -- George Bernard Shaw.
08/26/03   Men are generally idle, and ready to satisfy themselves, and intimidate the industry of others, by calling that impossible which is only difficult. -- Samuel Johnson.
08/25/03   From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
08/24/03   It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. -- Peter De Vries.
08/23/03   Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. -- John F. Kennedy.
08/22/03   The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half. -- Fyodor Dostoevsky.
08/21/03   I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. -- Margaret Thatcher.
08/20/03   A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. -- Jane Austen.
08/19/03   He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him. -- Eddie Cantor.
08/18/03   If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em. -- Yogi Berra.
08/17/03   I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. -- Michel de Montaigne.
08/16/03   No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt.
08/15/03   You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. -- Woody Allen.
08/14/03   Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. -- Immanuel Kant.
08/13/03   Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation. -- James Thurber.
08/12/03   My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years. -- Cathy Ladman.
08/11/03   It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. -- Alfred Adler.
08/10/03   I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. -- W.C. Fields.
08/09/03   Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. -- Elbert Hubbard.
08/08/03   An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. -- Will Rogers.
08/07/03   A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. -- H. L. Mencken.
08/06/03   If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? -- Scott Adams.
08/05/03   Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. -- Henry David Thoreau.
08/04/03   I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. -- Wilson Mizner.
08/03/03   Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. -- Quentin Crisp.
08/02/03   It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. -- P. G. Wodehouse.
08/01/03   Only sick music makes money today. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
07/31/03   The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. -- J. Frank Dobie.
07/30/01   After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. -- Fred Thompson.
07/29/03   A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. -- Sir Barnett Cocks.
07/28/03   Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. -- Dale Carnegie.
07/27/03   Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. -- Wernher von Braun.
07/26/03   It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -- Krishnamurti.
07/25/03   For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. -- H. L. Mencken.
07/24/03   There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. -- Cyril Connolly.
07/23/03   Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be. -- Jim Horning.
07/22/03   At least half the mystery novels published violate the law that the solution, once revealed, must seem to be inevitable. -- Raymond Chandler.
07/21/03   Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes.
07/20/03   Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing. -- Oscar Wilde.
07/19/03   The graveyards are full of indispensable men. -- Charles de Gaulle.
07/18/03   Life is just a bowl of pits. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
07/17/03   A short saying oft contains much wisdom. -- Sophocles.
07/16/03   This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli.
07/15/03   The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.-- Willie Tyler.
07/14/03   Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.-- Bill Watterson.
07/13/03   I like life. It's something to do. -- Ronnie Shakes.
07/12/03   There is no difference between an idiot and a genius who sounds like an idiot. -- Horace Aeiouaey, Jr.
07/11/03   It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward. -- Lewis Carroll.
07/10/03   In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. -- Andy Warhol.
07/09/03   I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. -- Mark Twain.
07/08/03   Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. -- Frank Zappa.
07/07/03   We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems. -- John W. Gardner.
07/06/03   There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them. -- Casey Stengel.
07/05/03   At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. -- Emo Phillips.
07/04/03   He talked with more claret than clarity. -- Susan Ertz.
07/03/03   All great truths begin as blasphemies. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/02/03   I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level. -- Dana Carvey.
07/01/03   There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink. -- Booth Tarkington.
06/30/03   If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan.
06/29/03   We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
06/28/03   I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson.
06/27/03   I have seen the future and it doesn't work. -- Robert Fulford.
06/26/03   Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. -- Mark Twain.
06/25/03   A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. -- Gian Vincenzo Gravina.
06/24/03   Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley.
06/23/03   Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. -- Claud Cockburn.
06/22/03   We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. -- Anais Nin.
06/21/03   I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. -- Robert Orben.
06/20/03   Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. -- Jane Wagner.
06/19/03   In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. -- Fran Lebowitz.
06/18/03   I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on. -- Oscar Levant.
06/17/03   If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. -- Robert X. Cringely.
06/16/03   I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton.
06/15/03   One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. -- A. A. Milne.
06/14/03   Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. -- Doug Larson.
06/13/03   I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. -- W. C. Fields.
06/12/03   I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. -- Groucho Marx.
06/11/03   If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. -- Woody Allen.
06/10/03   Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. -- Mark Twain.
06/09/03   Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. -- E. Joseph Crossman.
06/08/03   A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. -- Sidney J. Harris.
06/07/03   There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers.
06/06/03   It's a dangerous business going out your front door. -- J. R. R. Tolkien.
06/05/03   Conceit is God's gift to little men. -- Bruce Barton.
06/04/03   The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce, and gives it some of the grace of tragedy. -- Steven Weinberg.
06/03/03   Television has raised writing to a new low. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
06/02/03   If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? -- Abraham Lincoln.
06/01/03   'How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children' -- Lewis B. Frumkes, Book Title.
05/31/03   Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes. -- Edgard Varese.
05/30/03   I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. -- Robert Bloch.
05/29/03   Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control. -- Don Marquis.
05/28/03   A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. -- Doug Larson.
05/27/03   Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? -- Woody Allen.
05/26/03   To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. -- Farmers' Almanac, 1978.
05/25/03   Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow. -- Arthur Stringer.
05/24/03   Now is the time for all good men to come to. -- Pogo (Walt Kelly).
05/23/03   A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor. -- Victor Hugo.
05/22/03   It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -- William G. McAdoo.
05/21/03   A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. -- Edmond de Concourt.
05/20/03   Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. -- Laurence J. Peter.
05/19/03   Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Isaac Asimov.
05/18/03   Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. -- Robert Byrne.
05/17/03   McCabe's Law: Nobody HAS to do ANYTHING. -- Charles McCabe.
05/16/03   Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. -- George Orwell.
05/15/03   I am a deeply superficial person. -- Andy Warhol.
05/14/03   Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -- Fran Lebowitz.
05/13/03   When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman.
05/12/03   Outer space is no place for a person of breeding. -- Lady Violet Bonham Carter.
05/11/03   We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. -- H. L. Mencken.
05/10/03   An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations. -- Charles de Montesquieu.
05/09/03   In the end, everything is a gag. -- Charlie Chaplin.
05/08/03   It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. -- Jerome K. Jerome.
05/07/03   Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse. -- Miguel de Cervantes.
05/06/03   If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. -- I. F. Stone.
05/05/03   We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. -- Will Rogers.
05/04/03   A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. -- Thomas Mann.
05/03/03   The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. -- Robert Heinlein.
05/02/03   Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view. -- Lillian Hellman.
05/01/03   College isn't the place to go for ideas. -- Helen Keller .
04/30/03   Men who never get carried away should be. -- Malcolm Forbes.
04/29/03   When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary. -- William Wrigley Jr.
04/28/03   A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world. -- John le Carre.
04/27/03   If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. -- Abraham Lincoln.
04/26/03   There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously. -- Thomas Sowell.
04/25/03   Ninety percent of everything is crap. -- Theodore Sturgeon.
04/24/03   Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. -- Eric Hoffer.
04/23/03   Music is essentially useless, as life is. -- George Santayana.
04/22/03   Where facts are few, experts are many. -- Donald R. Gannon.
04/21/03   Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. -- Ron Nesen.
04/20/03   It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. -- Rod Serling.
04/19/03   Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. -- Pat Paulsen.
04/18/03   Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. -- John Russell.
04/17/03   An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer. -- Evelle J. Younger.
04/16/03   A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. -- Groucho Marx.
04/15/03   What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Gardner.
04/14/03   As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. -- George Carlin.
04/13/03   Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain.
04/12/02   I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. -- Victor Hugo.
04/11/03   The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. -- Henry Kissinger.
04/10/03   A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. -- Jane Austen.
04/09/03   Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. -- Laurence J. Peter.
04/08/03   Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. -- Norman Douglas.
04/07/03   When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. -- Eric Hoffer.
04/06/03   I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx.
04/05/03   I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
04/04/03   The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. -- Fran Lebowitz.
04/03/03   Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg.
04/02/03   If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it. -- Emerson Pugh.
04/01/03   Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. -- William Shakespeare.
03/31/03   A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain.
03/30/03   Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. -- Bob Edwards.
03/29/03   Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. -- Carl Zwanzig.
03/28/03   One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine. -- Sir William Osler.
03/27/03   Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
03/26/03   A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. -- James Feibleman.
03/25/03   Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. -- Barry Switzer.
03/24/03   It is bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew W. Mathis.
03/23/03   The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. -- James Thurber.
03/22/03   The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. -- e e cummings.
03/21/03   Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. -- G. Gordon Liddy.
03/20/03   We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. -- Jeff Marder.
03/19/03   All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey.
03/18/03   In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. -- Paul Harvey.
03/17/03   Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. -- W. C. Fields.
03/16/03   Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. -- Thomas Sowell.
03/15/03   No one travelling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive. -- Thorstein Veblen.
03/14/03   Reading this book is like waiting for the first shoe to drop. -- Ralph Novak.
03/13/03   Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. -- Norman Ford.
03/12/03   The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness. -- Andre Malraux.
03/11/03   If at first don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. -- Bill Lyon.
03/10/03   A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
03/09/03   Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. -- Benjamin Franklin.
03/08/03   Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. -- Fran Lebowitz.
03/07/03   One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. -- Oscar Wilde.
03/06/03   You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. -- Woody Allen.
03/05/03   An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides. -- John H. Patterson.
03/04/03   What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. -- Oscar Levant.
03/03/03   Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. -- George Burns.
03/02/03   A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life. -- Robertson Davies.
03/01/03   What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. -- George Dennison Prentice.
02/28/03   Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. -- Ken Hakuta.
02/27/03   The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. -- Casey Stengel.
02/26/03   An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous. -- Henry Ford.
02/25/03   Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. -- Joe Theisman.
02/24/03   Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. -- Napoleon Bonaparte.
02/23/03   I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. -- Marshall McLuhan (1911 - 1980).
02/22/03   There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it. -- Denis Diderot.
02/21/03   Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. -- Sidney J. Harris.
02/20/03   Everyone rises to his level of incompetence. -- Laurence J. Peter, 'The Peter Principle.'
02/19/03   Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire.
02/18/03   Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you - if you don't play, you can't win. -- Robert Heinlein.
02/17/03   After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' -- Ronnie Shakes.
02/16/03   The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything. -- Walter Bagehot.
02/15/03   I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
02/14/03   Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. -- Gordon R. Dickson.
02/13/03   A lie told often enough becomes the truth. -- Lenin.
02/12/03   Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it. -- Alfred Hitchcock.
02/11/03   Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. -- Robertson Davies.
02/10/03   The idea of all-out nuclear war is unsettling. -- Walter Goodman.
02/09/03   You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. -- Olin Miller.
02/08/03   Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them. -- Evan Esar.
02/07/03   Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms. -- Alan Corenk.
02/06/03   Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. -- W. C. Fields.
02/05/03   Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. -- Hector Berlioz.
02/04/03   Government is too big and too important to be left to the politicians. -- Chester Bowles.
02/03/03   The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. -- Robert Graves.
02/02/03   Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. -- Jimmy Demaret.
02/01/03   And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle. -- Stan Dunn.
01/31/03   Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. -- Edward De Bono.
01/30/03   The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way. -- Samuel Butler.
01/29/03   Mustard's no good without roast beef. -- Chico Marx.
01/28/03   Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much. -- John Wayne, advice on acting.
01/27/03   Every increased possession loads us with new weariness. -- John Ruskin.
01/26/03   There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. -- Edmund Wilson.
01/25/03   Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. -- Gore Vidal.
01/24/03   Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. -- Lester B. Pearson.
01/23/03   A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. -- Robert Benchley.
01/22/03   It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. -- Aeschylus.
01/21/03   Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair. -- Edmund Burke.
01/20/03   If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? -- Vince Lombardi.
01/19/03   We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly, as Pogo.
01/18/03   Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock. -- Ben Hecht.
01/17/03   All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. -- Aristotle.
01/16/03   He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met. -- Abraham Lincoln.
01/15/03   A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. -- Joan Rivers.
01/14/03   A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
01/13/03   I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. -- Groucho Marx.
01/12/03   The time is you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. -- Bertrand Russell.
01/11/03   A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. -- Carl Reiner.
01/10/03   When you come to a fork in the road, take it. -- Yogi Berra.
01/09/03   This book fills a much-needed gap. -- Moses Hadas.
01/08/03   An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. -- H. L. Mencken.
01/07/03   The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name. -- Aldous Huxley.
01/06/03   Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. -- Italian Proverb.
01/05/03   There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. -- Robert Benchley.
01/04/03   A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. -- Herm Albright.
01/03/03   Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. -- Lily Tomlin.
01/02/03   I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
01/01/03   The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. -- Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory.


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