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12/31/04   The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. -- Mark Twain.
12/30/04   There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. -- James Thurber.
12/29/04   I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. -- Emo Phillips.
12/28/04   That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false. -- Paul Valery.
12/27/04   Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win. -- Robert Heinlein.
12/26/04   Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard.
12/25/04   I do come home at Christmas. We all do, or we all should. We all come home, or ought to come home, for a short holiday - the longer, the better - from the great boarding school where we are forever working at our arithmetical slates, to take, and give a rest. --Charles Dickens.
12/24/04   Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves. -- J. B. Priestley.
12/23/04   Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. -- Otto von Bismarck.
12/22/04   I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good. -- Seneca.
12/21/04   There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. -- Mary Wilson Little.
12/20/04   I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. -- Groucho Marx.
12/19/04   People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news. -- A. J. Liebling.
12/18/04   They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea. -- Sir Francis Bacon.
12/17/04   One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity. -- Andrew Carnegie. |
12/16/04   The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animals. -- Sir William Osler.
12/15/04   There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function. -- Georges Clemenceau.
12/14/04   We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
12/13/04   If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time. -- Edith Wharton.
12/12/04   I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on. -- Jean Ker.
12/11/04   Some people have so much respect for their superiors they have none left for themselves. -- Peter McArthur.
12/10/04   I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. -- Woody Allen.
12/09/04   Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
12/08/04   Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. -- Thomas Jefferson.
12/07/04   Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office. -- Adrienne E. Gusoff.
12/06/04   Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. -- Hobart Brown.
12/05/04   In great attempts it is glorious even to fail. -- Vince Lombardi.
12/04/04   Winning is not a sometime thing; its an all the time thing. You don't win once in a while; you don't do things right once in a while; you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. -- Vince Lombardi.
12/03/04   Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up. -- Knute Rockne.
12/02/04   It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. -- Walter Bagehot.
12/01/04   A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
11/30/04   I feel an autumnal Saturday, no matter how beautiful, is wasted if it doesn't find me sitting in on a football game. -- Howard Roberts.
11/29/04   When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision. -- Lord Falkland.
11/28/04   The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor.
11/27/04   Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up. -- Knute Rockne
11/26/04   Some people try to find things in this game that don't exist but football is only two things-blocking and tackling. -- Vince Lombardi.
11/25/04   Men of genius do not excel in any profession because they labor in it, but they labor in it because they excel. -- William Hazlitt.
11/24/04   There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. -- Steven Wright.
11/23/04   Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. -- Robert Heinlein.
11/22/04   A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. -- Doug Larson.
11/21/04   Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins, is the man who thinks he can. -- Vincent Thomas Lombardi.
11/20/04   I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault. ~Jack Tatum.
11/19/04   Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football. -- John Heisman.
11/18/04   Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well. -- Voltaire.
11/17/04   One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. -- Edward Abbey.
11/16/04   You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. -- Woody Allen.
11/15/04   Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. -- Oscar Wilde.
11/14/04   He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. -- M. C. Escher.
11/13/04   It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life. -- P. D. James.
11/12/04   Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden.
11/11/04   Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. -- Eugene McCarthy.
11/10/04   Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. -- Mark Twain.
11/09/04   You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. -- Fred Allen.
11/08/04   Who among us does not love NASCAR? -- John Kerry.
11/07/04   Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. -- Albert Camus.
11/06/04   I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
11/05/04   To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter. -- Aleister Crowley.
11/04/04   In the 37 elections since 1860 - the first won by a Republican - Democrats have won only 14. -- George Will.
11/03/04   If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. -- Mel Brooks.
11/02/04   Criticism is prejudice made plausible. -- H. L. Mencken.
11/01/04   Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. -- H. G. Wells.
10/31/04   A girl phoned me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
10/30/04   Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. -- Mark Twain.
10/29/04   Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. -- Redd Foxx.
10/28/04   The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. -- David Richerby.
10/27/04   One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards. -- Oscar Wilde.
10/26/04   There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. -- Clint Eastwood.
10/25/04   My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.
10/24/04   To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
10/23/04   The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. -- Elbert Hubbard.
10/22/04   This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. -- Will Rogers.
10/21/04   Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? -- Lily Tomlin.
10/20/04   We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. -- Kurt Vonnegut.
10/19/04   I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. -- Stephen Leacock.
10/18/04   The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
10/17/04   I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. -- Edith Sitwell.
10/16/04   Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control. -- Don Marquis.
10/15/04   Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -- Jim Horning.
10/14/04   Someone's boring me. I think it's me. -- Dylan Thomas.
10/13/04   A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance. -- Anatole France.
10/12/04   I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. -- Steven Wright.
10/11/04   A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
10/10/04   I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy. -- W. C. Fields.
10/09/04   Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content. -- Paul Valery.
10/08/04   Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. -- Laurence J. Peter, 'The Peter Principle'.
10/07/04   I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
10/06/04   By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates.
10/05/04   There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher. -- Victor Hugo.
10/04/04   Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. -- Napoleon Bonaparte.
10/03/04   The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch. -- Michael Friedman.
10/02/04   Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. -- Rita Rudner.
10/01/04   An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. -- Robert Benchley.
09/30/04   In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. -- Thomas Jefferson.
09/29/04   A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain.
09/28/04   It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. -- Groucho Marx.
09/27/04   The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. -- Henry Kissinger.
09/26/04   If there were no God, there would be no Atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton.
09/25/04   So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. -- Peter Drucker.
09/24/04   A waist is a terrible thing to mind. -- Jane Caminos.
09/23/04   I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. -- Steven Wright.
09/22/04   The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. -- Maureen Murphy.
09/21/04   People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. -- Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes.
09/20/04   There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it. -- Bertrand Russell.
09/19/04   Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. -- H. L. Mencken.
09/18/04   A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money. -- Senator Everett Dirksen.
09/17/04   If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain.
09/16/04   Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -- Dr. Seuss.
09/15/04   I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. -- Bill Cosby.
09/14/04   Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. -- A. H. Weiler.
09/13/04   Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. -- Anatole France.
09/12/04   Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. -- Robert Benchley.
09/11/04   The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible. -- Albert Einstein.
09/10/04   Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. -- Fran Lebowitz.
09/09/04   I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope.
09/08/04   He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. -- Saki.
09/07/04   I know nothing about sex because I was always married. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor.
09/06/04   Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry. -- George Ade.
09/05/04   If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. -- Jimmy Buffett.
09/04/04   One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine. -- Sir William Osler. |
09/03/04   Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it. -- Alfred Hitchcock.
09/02/04   I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein.
09/01/04   It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong. -- G. K. Chesterton.
08/31/04   Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. -- Frank Zappa.
08/30/04   We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
08/29/04   Art is either plagiarism or revolution. -- Paul Gauguin.
08/28/04   Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. -- Thomas A. Edison.
08/27/04   Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. -- Margaret Mead.
08/26/04   If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. -- Alice Cooper.
08/25/04   People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. -- Lee Iacocca.
08/24/04   The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. -- Paul Valery.
08/23/04   Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. -- Howard Aiken.
08/22/04   Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. -- Ronald Reagan.
08/21/04   Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. -- Benjamin Franklin.
08/20/04   In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. -- Chuck Reid.
08/19/04   Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. -- Doug Larson.
08/18/04   Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable. -- Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
08/17/04   Life is just a bowl of pits. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
08/16/04   Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. -- Joe Theismann.
08/15/04   To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. -- Voltaire.
08/14/04   An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions. -- Robert A. Humphrey.
08/13/04   I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS. -- Robert Bakker, paleontologist.
08/12/04   We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
08/11/04   What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. -- George Dennison Prentice.
08/10/04   Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. -- Henry David Thoreau.
08/09/04   One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. -- Elbert Hubbard.
08/08/04   I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not. -- Fran Lebowitz.
08/07/04   Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde.
08/06/04   There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. -- George Bernard Shaw.
08/05/04   I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. -- George Burns.
08/04/04   It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay.
08/03/04   Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke.
08/02/04   It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
08/01/04   Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority. -- Thomas H. Huxley.
07/31/04   Hello seeker! Now don't feel alone here in the New Age, because there's a seeker born every minute. -- Firesign Theatre.
07/30/04   A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. -- Robert Heinlein.
07/29/04   The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. -- Robert Benchley.
07/28/04   The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth. -- Charles Luckman.
07/27/04   I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. -- Michel de Montaigne.
07/26/04   He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
07/25/04   We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
07/24/04   Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative. -- Kurt Vonnegut.
07/23/04   Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone. -- Hodding Carter.
07/22/04   He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. -- David Frost.
07/21/04   Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. -- Alfred Lord Tennyson.
07/20/04   I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. -- Will Rogers.
07/19/04   Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. -- Jean-Paul Sartre.
07/18/04   Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God. -- Heywood Broun.
07/17/04   My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money. -- Joe Weinstein.
07/16/04   Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. -- Bertrand Russell.
07/15/04   Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content. -- Louis L'Amour.
07/14/04   Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. -- Ambrose_Bierce.
07/13/04   No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating. -- Harold Rosenberg.
07/12/04   I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts. -- Mark Twain.
07/11/04   Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. -- Doug Larson.
07/10/04   You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave. -- Sydney Smith.
07/09/04   The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore. -- Samuel Butler. |
07/08/04   My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/07/04   Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. -- John Barrymore.
07/06/04   Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship. -- Harry S Truman.
07/05/04   Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world. -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
07/04/04   My theory of the Cold War is that we win and they lose. -- Ronald Reagan, in 1977.
07/03/04   Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world. -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
07/02/04   We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action. -- Frank Tibolt.
07/01/04   Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. -- G. K. Chesterton.
06/30/04   Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. -- Kin Hubbard.
06/29/04   The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on. -- Joseph Heller.
06/28/04   Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them. -- Dr. Martin Henry Fischer.
06/27/04   Silence is the virtue of fools. -- Sir Francis Bacon.
06/26/04   Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. -- Walter Lippmann.
06/25/04   No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. -- Michael Pritchard.
06/24/04   The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. -- Jean Kerr.
06/23/04   I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
06/22/04   Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes. -- Voltaire.
06/21/04   Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. -- Matt Groening.
06/20/04   Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. -- Wilson Mizner.
06/19/04   Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
06/18/04   When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. -- Oscar Wilde.
06/17/04   One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. -- A. A. Milne.
06/16/04   Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. -- Oscar Levant.
06/15/04   What's another word for Thesaurus? -- Steven Wright.
06/14/04   The government's view of the economy can be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan.
06/13/04   How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. -- Ronald Reagan.
06/12/04   General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! -- Ronald Reagan.
06/11/04   I wasn't a great communicator, but I communicated great things. -- Ronald Reagan.
06/10/04   University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. -- Henry Kissinger.
06/09/04   I hate music, especially when it's played. -- Jimmy Durante.
06/08/04   A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster.
06/07/04   He who hesitates is a damned fool. -- Mae West.
06/06/04   Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. -- Malcolm Forbes.
06/05/04   Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. -- Mark Twain.
06/04/04   The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back. -- Franklin P. Jones.
06/03/04   If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? -- Harry Shearer.
06/02/04   If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? -- Abraham Lincoln.
06/01/04   There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
05/31/04   I am no more humble than my talents require. -- Oscar Levant.
05/30/04   Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. -- Bertrand Russell.
05/29/04   I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. -- e e cummings.
05/28/04   Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. -- James F. Byrnes.
05/27/04   It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem. -- Malcolm Forbes.
05/26/04   If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it. -- Emerson Pugh.
05/25/04   You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. -- Vicomte de Chateaubriand.
05/24/04   Seek simplicity, and distrust it. -- Alfred North Whitehead.
05/23/04   All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. -- Cyril Connolly.
05/22/04   There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rogers.
05/21/04   The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. -- Elbert Hubbard.
05/20/04   It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about them. -- Dame Rose Macaulay.
05/19/04   I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it. -- Thomas Jefferson.
05/18/04   It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. -- Robert Benchley.
05/17/04   The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. -- Mark Twain.
05/16/04   I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is. -- Will Durst.
05/15/04   Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. -- Sir Richard Steele.
05/14/04   Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing. -- Oscar Wilde.
05/13/04   You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. -- Woody Allen.
05/12/04   The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it. -- Leo Rosten.
05/11/04   It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important. -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
05/10/04   Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. -- Dave Barry.
05/09/04   My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. -- Rita Rudner.
05/08/04   If there were no God, there would be no Atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton.
05/07/04   I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. -- Robert Orben.
05/06/04   A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. -- Wilson Mizner.
05/05/04   Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. -- Brendan Gill.
05/04/04   By the time we've made it, we've had it. -- Malcolm Forbes.
05/03/04   Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. -- George Bernard Shaw.
05/02/04   I am a strong believer in luck and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. -- Benjamin Franklin.
05/01/04   A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
04/30/04   Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man. -- Bertrand Russell.
04/29/04   Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone. -- Gertrude Stein.
04/28/04   Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car. -- Evan Davis.
04/27/04   Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others. -- Edward Abbey.
04/26/04   The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/25/04   I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. -- Mahatma Gandhi.
04/24/04   It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -- William G. McAdoo.
04/23/04   There are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob. -- G. K. Chesterton.
04/22/04   An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous. -- Henry Ford.
04/21/04   We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. -- Mark Twain.
04/20/04   I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. -- George Bernard Shaw.
04/19/04   In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain. -- Pliny the Elder.
04/18/04   A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. -- Sir Barnett Cocks.
04/17/04   We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. -- H. L. Mencken.
04/16/04   Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it. -- Moses Hadas.
04/15/04   There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government. -- Benjamin Franklin.
04/14/04   People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. -- Bob Hope.
04/13/04   His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. -- Mae West.
04/12/04   In heaven all the interesting people are missing. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
04/11/04   Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. -- Mark Twain.
04/10/04   First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. -- Honore de Balzac.
04/09/04   If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives. -- Marlon Brando.
04/08/04   Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/07/04   The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action. -- Frank Herbert.
04/06/04   Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. -- George Bernard Shaw.
04/05/04   I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson.
04/04/04   It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -- Tallulah Bankhead.
04/03/04   Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it. -- Samuel Johnson.
04/02/04   Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. -- H. L. Mencken.
04/01/04   People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. -- Hermann Hesse.
03/31/04   A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500. -- Benjamin H. Brewster.
03/30/04   Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. -- Ashley Montague.
03/29/04   At 18 our convictions are hills from which we look; At 45 they are caves in which we hide. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald.
03/28/04   All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. -- Mark Twain.
03/27/04   Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard.
03/26/04   I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. -- Fred Allen.
03/25/04   When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
03/24/04   At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
03/23/04   One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. -- Larry Gelbart.
03/22/04   The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others. -- Bertrand Russell.
03/21/04   There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. -- Cyril Connolly.
03/20/04   The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it. -- William Gibson.
03/19/04   The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it. -- William James.
03/18/04   This is like deja vu all over again. -- Yogi Berra.
03/17/04   Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or because they didn't. -- L. L. Henderson.
03/16/04   Invention is the mother of necessity. -- Thorstein Veblen.
03/15/04   Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at. -- Carlos A. Urbizo.
03/14/04   Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. -- Robert Heinlein.
03/13/04   He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes. -- James Thurber.
03/12/04   Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. -- Ed Gardner.
03/11/04   If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. -- Bill Lyon.
03/10/04   People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
03/09/04   An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. -- Niels Bohr.
03/08/04   By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. -- Charles Wadsworth.
03/07/04   Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. -- Groucho Marx.
03/06/04   The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work --. Robert Frost.
03/05/04   The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion. -- G. K. Chesterton.
03/04/04   The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. -- Noel Coward.
03/03/04   As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls. -- M. Cartmill.
03/02/04   My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. -- Penn Jillette.
03/01/04   An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly. -- Edwin P. Whipple.
02/29/04   Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -- Albert Einstein.
02/28/04   Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. -- Anthony Burgess.
02/27/04   When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. -- Woody Allen.
02/26/04   In this business you either sink or swim or you don't. -- David Smith.
02/25/04   They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin.
02/24/04   Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
02/23/04   Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. -- Norman Ford.
02/22/04   An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. -- Aldous Huxley.
02/21/04   The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. -- Nicholas Butler.
02/20/04   Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. -- Groucho Marx.
02/19/04   It is better to be quotable than to be honest. -- Tom Stoppard.
02/18/04   When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. -- Norm Crosby.
02/17/04   Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. -- T. S. Eliot.
02/16/04   Honesty is the best image. -- Tom Wilson (Ziggy).
02/15/04   As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. -- Dick Cavett.
02/14/04   The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. -- David Richerby.
02/13/04   You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. -- Sacha Guitry.
02/12/04   Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. -- Samuel Butler.
02/11/04   The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. -- Sophocles.
02/10/04   In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything. -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain.
02/09/04   A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. -- George Bernard Shaw.
02/08/04   He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. -- Sir William Drummond.
02/07/04   My favorite animal is steak. -- Fran Lebowitz.
02/06/04   An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
02/05/04   I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. -- Galileo Galilei.
02/04/04   Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. -- Scott Adams.
02/03/04   Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. -- Alfred E. Newman.
02/02/04   That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent. -- Aldous Huxley.
02/01/04   Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
01/31/04   It was beautiful and simple, as truly great swindles are. -- O. Henry.
01/30/04   It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
01/29/04   Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx.
01/28/04   The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. -- Horace Walpole.
01/27/04   There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. --Will Rogers.
01/26/04   Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. -- Alfred Hitchcock.
01/25/04   Television has raised writing to a new low. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
01/24/04   Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain.
01/23/04   She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. -- Henry James.
01/22/04   California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange. -- Fred Allen.
01/21/04   I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. -- Jimmy Stewart, in "Harvey", 1950.
01/20/04   The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool. -- Richard Feynman.
01/19/04   Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. -- Dave Barry.
01/18/04   Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. -- Nick Diamos.
01/17/04   If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. -- Bob Hope.
01/06/04   I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. -- W. C. Fields.
01/15/04   Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form. -- Karl Marx.
01/14/04   Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. -- Edgar Allan Poe.
01/13/04   One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't. -- George Bernard Shaw.
01/12/04   Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. -- Leo Tolstoy.
01/11/04   The best way to predict the future is to invent it. -- Alan Kay.
01/10/04   Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts. -- Clare Booth Luce.
01/09/04   My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -- Henny Youngman.
01/08/04   Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before. -- Edith Wharton.
01/07/04   How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children -- Lewis B. Frumkes (Book Title).
01/06/04   To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. -- Voltaire.
01/05/04   For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson.
01/04/04   Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. -- David T. Wolf.
01/03/04   Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. -- Albert Einstein.
01/02/04   The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
01/01/04   Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. -- Fred Allen.


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