DATE     "TODAY'S QUOTE" ARCHIVE   Receive daily quotes from Quote of the Day.
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12/31/05   Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. -- Robert Heinlein.
12/30/05   Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. -- E. B. White.
12/29/05   It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -- William G. McAdoo.
12/28/05   Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant. -- Cary Grant.
12/27/05   The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' -- Ronald Reagan.
12/26/05   You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. -- Henry Ford.
12/25/05   For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder; and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. -- Isaiah 9:6.
12/24/05   Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call his name Emmanuel, God with us. -- Matthew, 1:23.
12/23/05   None are so busy as the fool and knave. -- John Dryden.
12/22/05   Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce.
12/21/05   I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle. -- Robert Benchley.
12/20/05   Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting. -- Alan Dean Foster.
12/19/05   Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. -- David T. Wolf.
12/18/05   In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning. -- A. E. Housman.
12/17/05   I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. -- Artemus Ward.
12/16/05   Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. -- Ogden Nash.
12/15/05   Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. -- Suzanne Necker.
12/14/05   I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. -- Mitch Hedberg.
12/13/05   Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. -- Billy Wilder.
12/12/05   Ninety percent of everything is crap. -- Theodore Sturgeon.
12/11/05   I don't really trust a sane person. -- Lyle Alzado.
12/10/05   If someone wants a sheep, then that means that he exists. -- Antoine de Saint-Exuperye.
12/09/05   It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. -- Jerome K. Jerome.
12/08/05   Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. -- Mark Twain.
12/07/05   Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. -- Ronald Reagan.
12/06/05   I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. -- Steven Wright.
12/05/05   Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Edgar Bergen.
12/04/05   There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
12/03/05   He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan.
12/02/05   In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. -- Paul Harvey.
12/01/05   The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. -- Paula Poundstone.
11/30/05   If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. -- P. G. Wodehouse.
11/29/05   Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. -- Bill Cosby.
11/28/05   Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. -- Sir Arthur Eddington.
11/27/05   Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. -- William Hazlitt.
11/26/05   The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing. -- William J. Broad.
11/25/05   The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel.
11/24/05   I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. -- Abraham Lincoln, 1863.
11/23/05   My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. -- Errol Flynn.
11/22/05   Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation. -- James Thurber.
11/21/05   I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. -- Neil Armstrong.
11/20/05   Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. -- Italian Proverb.
11/19/05   It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen.
11/18/05   When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz.
11/17/05   Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes.
11/16/05   When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision. -- Lord Falkland.
11/15/05   Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions. -- G. K. Chesterton.
11/14/05   Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. -- Ellen Goodman.
11/13/05   Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there. -- Mickey Friedman.
11/12/05   Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. -- H. L. Mencken.
11/11/05   We think in generalities, but we live in detail. -- Alfred North Whitehead.
11/10/05   She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
11/09/05   In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. -- Paul Dirac.
11/08/05   Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious. -- William Feather.
11/07/05   It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. -- Darrin Weinberg.
11/06/05   Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. -- Mark Twain.
11/05/05   So little time and so little to do. -- Oscar Levant.
11/04/05   Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. -- Henry David Thoreau.
11/03/05   Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw.
11/02/05   Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. -- Norm Papernick.
11/01/05   Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. -- Wilson Mizner.
10/31/05   The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. -- Sophocles.
10/30/05   The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. -- Voltaire.
10/29/05   Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. -- G. K. Chesterton.
10/28/05   It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. -- Jackie Mason.
10/27/05   What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. -- George Dennison Prentice.
10/26/05   I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it. -- Thomas Jefferson.
10/25/05   I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. -- Victor Hugo.
10/24/05   Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
10/23/04   When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
10/22/05   My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx.
10/21/05   If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. -- Johnny Carson.
10/20/05   Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. -- Laurence J. Peter.
10/19/05   Humankind cannot stand very much reality. -- T. S. Eliot.
10/18/05   I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. -- George Carlin.
10/17/05   To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
10/16/05   Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. -- George Santayana.
10/15/05   We are the people our parents warned us about. -- Jimmy Buffett.
10/14/05   He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. -- David Frost.
10/13/05   The world only goes round by misunderstanding. -- Charles Baudelaire.
10/12/05   There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people. -- Muhammad Ali.
10/11/05   If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth.
10/10/05   Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. -- Lily Tomlin.
10/09/05   I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me. -- John Cleese.
10/08/05   There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. -- Franklin P. Adams.
10/07/05   Eliminate the mistakes and you'll never lose a game. To eliminate mistakes, you have to pick the right QB. And the pass is a weapon of surprise: don't overuse it. -- Woody Hayes.
10/06/05   I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. -- Margaret Thatcher.
10/05/05   Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
10/04/05   If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. -- George Bernard Shaw.
10/03/05   If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. -- Bill Lyon.
10/02/05   Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley.
10/01/05   There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. -- Alfred Korzybski.
09/30/05   Show me a good and gracious loser and I'll show you a failure. -- Knute Rockne.
09/29/05   Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. -- Douglas Adams.
09/28/05   All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey.
09/27/05   There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. -- James Thurber.
09/26/05   A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child. -- H. L. Mencken.
09/25/05   It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
09/24/05   I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein.
09/23/05   I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault. -- Jack Tatum.
09/22/05   Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. -- George Burns.
09/21/06   Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. -- Sam Levenson.
09/20/05   When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' -- Steven Wright.
09/19/05   There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. -- Oscar Wilde.
09/18/05   Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there. -- E. H. Gombrich.
09/17/05   It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets. -- Voltaire.
09/16/05   It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, all that matters is that you beat St. Marys. -- Wapak Football Home Page.
09/15/05   Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -- Josh Billings.
09/14/05   Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. -- Diogenes the Cynic.
09/13/05   The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch. -- Michael Friedman.
09/12/05   The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor. -- William Feather.
09/11/05   The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time. -- Willem de Kooning.
09/10/05   Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. -- Quentin Crisp.
09/09/05   Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. -- Ken Hakuta.
09/08/05   There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. -- George Santayana.
09/07/05   I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. -- Robert Orben.
09/06/05   My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going to be scared. -- P. J. Plauger.
09/05/05   He talked with more claret than clarity. -- Susan Ertz.
09/04/05   Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. -- Soren Kierkegaard.
09/03/05   Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. -- Samuel Johnson.
09/02/05   Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. -- James Thorpe.
09/01/05   War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory. -- Georges Clemenceau.
08/31/05   Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anyone else. -- Heywood Broun.
08/30/05   My favorite animal is steak. -- Fran Lebowitz.
08/29/05   Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. -- John Russell.
08/28/05   The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it. -- Daniel Webster.
08/27/05   Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. -- Doug Larson.
08/26/05   There are people who think that everything one does with a serious face is sensible. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg.
08/25/05   Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. -- Oscar Wilde.
08/24/05   But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. -- Benjamin Franklin.
08/23/05   Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. -- Stanislaw Lem.
08/22/05   Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. -- Michael Crichton.
08/21/05   In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. -- Chuck Reid.
08/20/05   An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. -- Dan Rather.
08/19/05   Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on. -- Samuel Butler.
08/18/05   A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster.
08/17/05   A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
08/16/05   Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge. -- Paul Gauguin.
08/15/05   Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience. -- Bill Watterson.
08/14/05   Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. -- Laurence J. Peter.
08/13/05   Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III.
08/12/05   A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. -- Willis Player.
08/11/05   In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams.
08/10/05   Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much. -- Peter Ustinov.
08/09/05   Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. -- George Bernard Shaw.
08/08/05   Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. -- Kin Hubbard.
08/07/05   The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good. -- Bertrand Russell.
08/06/05   Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in. -- Evan Davis.
08/05/05   Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
08/04/05   Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. -- Dave Barry.
08/03/05   What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. -- Samuel Johnson.
08/02/05   He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes. -- James Thurber.
08/01/05   Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde.
07/31/05   Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. -- Harold Wilson.
07/30/05   The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. -- Hubert H. Humphrey.
07/29/05   Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. -- Mark Twain.
07/28/05   The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. -- Nicholas Butler.
07/27/05   To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. -- Peter Ustinov.
07/26/05   I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. -- Solomon Short.
07/25/05   Women should be obscene and not heard. -- Groucho Marx.
07/24/05   The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. -- Bertrand Russell.
07/23/05   Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed. -- Herman Melville.
07/22/05   Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. -- Steven Wright.
07/21/05   Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent. -- Sophia Loren.
07/20/05   It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis. -- Margaret Bonnano.
07/19/05   The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. -- Richard Bach.
07/18/05   Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. -- Gertrude Stein.
07/17/05   The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights. -- J. Paul Getty.
07/16/05   When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. -- Gracie Allen.
07/15/05   What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. -- Dave Barry.
07/14/05   When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. -- Marquis de la Grange.
07/13/05   Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought. -- Sir William Osler.
07/12/05   If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. -- Isaac Newton.
07/11/05   If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. -- Don Marquis.
07/10/05   Fervor is the weapon of choice for the impotent. -- Frantz Fanon.
07/09/05   Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both. -- John Andrew Holmes.
07/08/05   The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/07/05   Honesty is the best image. -- Tom Wilson.
07/06/05   Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. -- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi.
07/05/05   The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing. -- William J. Broad.
07/04/05   We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.-- the Declaration of Independence.
07/03/05   Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything. -- Charles Kuralt.
07/02/05   Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. -- Dan Rather.
07/01/05   People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. -- Anatole France.
06/30/05   Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful. -- Samuel Johnson.
06/29/05   It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
06/28/05   I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. -- Steven Wright.
06/27/05   I am a deeply superficial person. -- Andy Warhol.
06/26/05   Every crowd has a silver lining. -- Phineas Taylor Barnum.
06/25/05   If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. -- Professor Irwin Corey.
06/24/05   You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. -- Scott Adams.
06/23/05   I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? -- Ronnie Shakes.
06/22/05   A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. -- George Bernard Shaw.
06/21/05   The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...' -- Isaac Asimov.
06/20/05   It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. -- Pierre Beaumarchais.
06/19/05   Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. -- Ed Gardner.
06/18/05   Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. -- Howard Aiken.
06/17/05   The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. -- Thomas Szasz.
06/16/05   Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg.
06/15/05   Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -- Mark Twain.
06/14/05   Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money. -- Arthur Miller.
06/13/05   Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. -- Margaret Millar.
06/12/05   The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened. -- Saki.
06/11/05   Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno.
06/10/05   I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. -- Rita Rudner.
06/09/05   Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -- Fran Lebowitz.
06/08/05   Communism is like one big phone company. -- Lenny Bruce.
06/07/05   Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. -- Gerald R. Ford.
06/06/05   I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
06/05/05   Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. -- Mark Twain.
06/04/05   Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? -- George Price.
06/03/05   Have the courage to be ignorant of a great number of things, in order to avoid the calamity of being ignorant of everything. -- Sydney Smith.
06/02/05   Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. -- John Barrymore's last words.
06/01/05   A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. -- Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
05/31/05   A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. -- Sir Barnett Cocks.
05/30/05   I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. -- George Burns.
05/29/05   A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. -- Thomas Hardy.
05/28/05   Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. -- Bill Cosby.
05/27/05   The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. -- Katharine Whitehorn.
05/26/05   Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides.
05/25/05   Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. -- Franklin P. Jones.
05/24/05   There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. -- Judith Martin (Miss Manners).
05/23/05   Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. -- Will Rogers.
05/22/05   I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. -- Orson Welles.
05/21/05   USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. -- David Letterman.
05/20/05   The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action. -- Frank Herbert.
05/19/05   The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. -- Mark Twain.
05/18/05   If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. -- Laurence J. Peter.
05/17/05   Silence propagates itself, and the longer talk has been suspended, the more difficult it is to find anything to say. -- Samuel Johnson.
05/16/05   Only fools are positive. -- Moe Howard.
05/15/05   People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. -- Lee Iacocca.
05/14/05   Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- Franklin P. Jones.
05/13/05   Abstract art is a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. -- Al Capp.
05/12/05   Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. -- George Bernard Shaw.
05/11/05   I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position. -- Pat Conroy.
05/10/05   Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. -- Marilyn Monroe.
05/09/05   We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. -- Cullen Hightower.
05/08/05   If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. -- Mel Brooks.
05/07/05   In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. -- Andy Warhol.
05/06/05   It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. -- Voltaire.
05/05/05   Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. -- Aldous Huxley.
05/04/05   Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. -- Andy Rooney.
05/03/05   Americans never quit. -- General Douglas Macarthur.
05/02/05   The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. -- Eugene McCarthy.
05/01/05   If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? -- Steven Wright.
04/30/05   The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. -- Abbie Hoffman.
04/29/05   Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. -- David Letterman.
04/28/05   Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse. -- Miguel de Cervantes.
04/27/05   Hell is full of musical amateurs. -- George Bernard Shaw.
04/26/05   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. -- John Benfield.
04/25/05   I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. -- Fran Lebowitz.
04/24/05   If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein.
04/23/05   I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. -- Garrison Keillor.
04/22/05   If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em. -- Yogi Berra.
04/21/05   The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. -- Doug Larson.
04/20/05   I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. -- Dave Barry.
04/19/05   There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. -- Franz Kafka.
04/18/05   I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. -- Georges Duhamel.
04/17/05   My toughest fight was with my first wife. -- Muhammad Ali.
04/16/05   After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. -- Cato the Elder.
04/15/05   There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. -- Robert Byrne. |
04/14/05   People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. -- Logan Pearsall Smith.
04/13/05   An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
04/12/05   All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
04/11/05   The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. -- James Branch Cabell.
04/10/05   A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. -- Sidney J. Harris.
04/09/05   Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire.
04/08/05   A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. -- Thomas Mann.
04/07/05   Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long. -- Leonard Bernstein.
04/06/05   In the end, everything is a gag. -- Charlie Chaplin.
04/05/05   Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. -- Scott Adams.
04/04/05   Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller.
04/03/05   He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. -- George Bernard Shaw.
04/02/05   I love acting. It is so much more real than life. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/01/05   My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia. -- Dame Edna Everage.
03/31/05   An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. -- Will Rogers.
03/30/05   We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact. -- Jean-Paul Sartre.
03/29/05   I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. -- Galileo Galilei.
03/28/05   It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. -- Steven Wright.
03/27/05   Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. -- Robert Benchley.
03/26/05   Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. -- Kin Hubbard.
03/25/05   If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. -- Johnny Carson.
03/24/05   Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature. -- Samuel Butler.
03/23/05   To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. -- Wilson Mizner.
03/22/05   The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. -- Ronald Reagan.
03/21/05   There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey. -- John Ruskin.
03/20/05   A poem is no place for an idea. -- Edgar Watson Howe.
03/19/05   Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work. -- Gallagher.
03/18/05   The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive. -- Thomas Jefferson.
03/17/05   It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -- Tallulah Bankhead.
03/16/05   A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things. -- Herman Melville.
03/15/05   I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
03/14/05   If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S Truman.
03/13/05   The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. -- George Jessel.
03/12/05   Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
03/11/05   All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. -- Mark Twain.
03/10/05   People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. -- Ogden Nash.
03/09/05   The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. -- Alan Patrick Herbert.
03/08/05   Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. -- Bertolt Brecht.
03/07/05   It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. -- Arthur C. Clarke.
03/06/05   Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. -- Wilson Mizner.
03/05/05   If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
03/04/05   Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. -- Ronald Reagan.
03/03/05   You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. -- Ray Bradbury, advice to writers.
03/02/05   I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
03/01/05   History is the short trudge from Adam to atom. -- Leonard Louis Levinson.
02/28/05   Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other. -- Honore de Balzac.
02/27/05   The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer.
02/26/05   The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. -- Woody Allen.
02/25/05   The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
02/24/05   Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. -- Italian Proverb.
02/23/05   An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it. -- Laurence J. Peter.
02/22/05   If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
02/21/05   Art is either plagiarism or revolution. -- Paul Gauguin.
02/20/05   My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. -- Steven Wright.
02/19/05   That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent. -- Aldous Huxley.
02/18/05   If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. -- Donald H. Rumsfeld.
02/17/05   Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. -- Ambrose Bierce.
02/16/05   Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. -- Peter Borden.
02/15/05   The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. -- George Orwell.
02/14/05   An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. -- Friedrich Engels.
02/13/04   Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. -- Robert Heinlein.
02/12/05   By the time I'd grown up, I naturally supposed that I'd be grown up. -- Eve Babitz.
02/11/05   There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. -- Robert Benchley.
02/10/05   Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. -- Mae West.
02/09/05   Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. -- Mark Twain.
02/08/05   It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
02/07/05   I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. -- Solomon Short.
02/06/05   It is a sign of a creeping inner death when we no longer can praise the living. -- Eric Hoffer.
02/05/05   Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality. -- George Santayana.
02/04/05   It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -- William G. McAdoo.
02/03/05   No one gossips about other people's secret virtues. -- Bertrand Russell.
02/02/05   A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash.
02/01/05   The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it. -- Leo Rosten.
01/31/05   Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
01/30/05   She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table. -- Henry James.
01/29/05   All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. -- Cyril Connolly.
01/28/05   Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. -- Isaac Newton.
01/27/05   The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. -- Mark Twain.
01/26/05   Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. -- Jean-Paul Sartre.
01/25/05   They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum. -- Tallulah Bankhead.
01/24/05   Actions lie louder than words. -- Carolyn Wells.
01/23/05   I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. -- Fred Allen.
01/22/05   College isn't the place to go for ideas. -- Helen Keller.
01/21/05   Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation. -- Howard Scott.
01/20/05   It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. -- H. L. Mencken.
01/19/05   Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. -- Robert Frost.
01/18/05   Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. -- Lily Tomlin.
01/17/05   Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. -- Frank Zappa.
01/16/05   About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. -- Herbert Hoover.
01/15/05   Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. -- E. Joseph Crossman.
01/14/05   The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. -- Nicholas Butler.
01/13/05   I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it. -- Mark Twain.
01/12/05   The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. -- Doug Larson.
01/11/05   The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. -- Mark Russell.
01/10/05   There are more of them than us. -- Herb Caen.
01/09/05   Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. -- Niels Bohr.
01/08/05   Some say the world will end in fire, some say ice. From what I've witnessed of desire, I hold with those who favor fire, though ice is nice, and would suffice. -- Odgen Nash.
01/07/05   ridertown.com offline due to ice storm
01/06/05   ridertown.com offline due to ice storm
01/05/05   No wise man ever wished to be younger. -- Jonathan Swift.
01/04/05   Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. -- Will Rogers.
01/03/05   You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. -- Vicomte de Chateaubriand.
01/02/05   It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear. -- Douglas Adams.
01/01/05   Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. -- Mahatma Gandhi.


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